5 Strategies to Cope with Grief & Loss This Holiday Season
The holiday season is perceived as a joyous occasion for some people overall. It is
often filled with tradition, memories, celebrations, and time with loved ones.
But for others, the holiday season can be a difficult reminder of the absence of those we have lost.
I can personally relate to the latter as this is my first Christmas season following the loss of my grandmother, along with our last conversation on Christmas last year, and I am currently going through the grief process myself.
First, I want to take a moment to validate your feelings.
Whether you are experiencing the loss of a family member, pet, or friend- or even the loss of a job, relationship, or home, we want to send comfort to you during this time.
If you experienced loss due to the hurricanes that impacted Florida and other regions in the south this Fall, we know the holidays may look different this year and stand with you.
It is OK to grieve what happened and not feel overly joyous this holiday season.
We want to take a moment to reiterate what grief is, along with four coping strategies to help manage grief and loss this holiday season.
What is Grief?
According to the American Psychological Association, grief is a natural response and
is “the anguish experienced after significant loss” (apa.org). Grief symptoms often include:
Emotional symptoms such as sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, despair, irritability, emotional exhaustion, or numbness
Physical symptoms like fatigue, difficulty sleeping, or appetite changes.
Cognitive symptoms including forgetfulness, difficulty concentrating, confusion, an obsessive dwelling on the past
There are 5 to 7 stages of grief conceptualized by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD, depending on the model you follow:
5 Stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance
7 Stages: Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Testing, Acceptance
Why Does Grief Feel Intensified During the Holidays?
When something or someone is no longer present, the reminders of loss and change can deepen feelings of sadness, longing, and emptiness.
Common triggers such as family gatherings, work functions, and other holiday events may be emotionally overstimulating and create holiday anxiety.
Being surrounded by other people celebrating the season and celebrating memories and traditions can cause an internal disconnect and increase awareness that we may be internally struggling.
The societal expectations and pressure to appear externally happy while being there for others during our time of grief and loss can cause resentment and exacerbate physical, emotional, and cognitive symptoms.
5 Practical Strategies to Cope with Grief and Loss During the Holidays
As we navigate our grief, it’s essential to develop healthy coping mechanisms and focus on our mental health during the holidays. Here are five helpful grief coping tips:
1. Set Realistic Expectations
If you do not feel ready or overwhelmed, it is OK to step back from traditions and events and “skip” the season.
Focus on what feels manageable and meaningful to you. It’s OK to set boundaries and say “No” to overwhelming commitments, even during the holidays.
2. Create New Traditions
Times of change create opportunities for innovation.
Creating new traditions can include or exclude aspects of old traditions, depending on what you are comfortable with. You can honor loved ones and memories in a way that feels right to you. Some holiday memorial ideas include lighting a candle, cooking a family recipe or favorite recipe, creating a family tree or ornament, sharing memories, taking on creative tasks like framing a photo or decorating with a loved one's favorite flowers, or volunteering to help others in need. This helps to feel connected to the past while adapting to the present.
3. Lean on Your Support System
Grief can feel isolating.
Sometimes, it feels better to self-soothe and tend to our own needs. But other times, connecting with others can provide comfort and perspective. Some options for support systems include family, friends, a therapist, or a grief support group.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Be mindful and not judge yourself or others when grieving.
Everyone grieves differently, and the length of time varies for each person. Be gentle with yourself and take time for self-care and self-soothing activities, prioritizing your physical, mental, and emotional health. Some ideas include journaling, using a weighted blanket and having a cup of warm tea, practicing mindfulness, prioritizing rest, or engaging in hobbies.
5. Support Others Who Are Grieving
For some of us, sometimes a helpful way to manage our grief is by supporting grieving loved ones.
You can actively listen to someone or offer specific help like preparing meals, cleaning, or running errands. Be mindful to respect the needs and boundaries of other grieving persons.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel Joy
Sometimes, we can feel guilty for moving on and feeling joy in a season of grief and loss.
But remind yourself that it is OK to have moments of joy through periods of grief.
Grief is a personal journey and a healing journey. You can still honor and celebrate the good times and practice gratitude for the positive memories we have to reflect on.
Healing through grief does not mean forgetting- it is about growing around and through the loss while still moving forward and feeling hope.
Grief builds our resilience and creates a new appreciation for how precious life is, and we should not take those moments for granted.
One of my favorite quotes that has helped me through my grief journey is this:
“What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.” – Helen Keller