What is Self Esteem?
Think about this for a second: What are you first thoughts when you look in the mirror?
We often use the terms 'Confidence' and 'Self Esteem' interchangeably. And while it's not the end of the world if you do, let's make the distinction between the two...
For example - You see someone give a fantastic speech or presentation. They command the stage and they're an absolute natural. Buuuut when they step off and away from the eyes of the crowd, they're full of self doubt, self depricating statements and seem like a completely different person. This is a very blanket example but it illustrates the idea that someone can "look" or even be confident in a specific setting but have a low or unhealthy self esteem and opinion of themselves.
Here's how I tend to describe it when working with clients:
Confidence refers to your belief in yourself and what you can do.
Self Esteem is more about your opinion of yourself.
I've known plenty of people who are confident in an area of their life but have low self esteem. So while they often impact one another, improving your confidence doesn't necessarily improve your self esteem.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM
Let's go back to the original question... what are your thoughts when you look in the mirror?
If your thoughts about yourself are negative or you tend to pick yourself apart, it could be a sign of low self esteem.
Here's a few questions to ask yourself to see if it's time to prioritize your self esteem:
Do I pay more attention to what I do wrong than what I do well?
Do you think everyone else is better than you?
Do you constantly criticize yourself?
Do you often doubt if people like you?
If you've answered yes to any, some or all of those questions it might be time to show yourself some TLC.
Fortunately, there are things you can do every day to help improve yourself esteem!
The major key to all of this is that you're going to have to learn to reframe your thoughts and rewrite your opinion of yourself.
Here's 3 things you can do today to improve your self esteem!
Recognize what you've done well for the day and give yourself credit for anything you can! I always tell my clients, if you're going to be your biggest critic, you have to be willing to be your biggest cheerleader. Throughout the day, recognize anything you've done well. If you can't catch it while it's happening, take a few minutes as the end of the day to acknowledge those wins. And remember, because something may seem "small" doesn't mean it's insignificant!
Work on your assertiveness skills! It's fairly common for people who struggle with self esteem to also be very passive and struggle with speaking up, voicing concerns and expressing themselves.
Audit your circle! Who we spend time with makes a difference. Whether it's colleagues, families, friends or the accounts we follow on social media... we have to be cognizant of who we're surrounded by. It's clear that we don't typically get to choose our family or colleagues, but we can be discerning as much as possible. Pay attention to how the people around you talk about themselves. It's also important to notice who you're around when you're talking negatively about yourself. Having boundaries with these people and mitigating these situations with more positive individuals is important. Make sure you're making intentional decisions when possible in regards to social time and your interactions on social media. Doing a quick audit of your social circle and choosing to spend time around people who have a healthy self esteem can make a big impact!
Low self esteem doesn't go away and it's often seen in clients who struggle with anxiety and depression. But you don't have to experience anxiety or depression to have a low self esteem and it's something that can be improved with time & effort.
If your self esteem is impacting your life in a negative way, it's time to prioritize it!
Take a breath and pick one of the steps above to focusing on.
It's time to decide that you're ready to go from avoiding & hiding to valuing yourself & taking charge!
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Talk soon,
Lori